I just looked at the calendar and realised today marks 11 months since this crazy adventure began. We've come a LONG way in 11 months. And, do you know what?
I don't even know how to write about it any more.
This blog represents an ongoing and constant battle in me. Firstly, the desire to provide an honest and real account of our family's 'tree change'. But on the flipside, I increasingly feel exposed by the reality of telling our stories to the anonymous internet.
It's been a REALLY TOUGH year. But also, wonderful. Tough, formative, breaking and making all at the same time.
We knew it would be. But the strength with which this project has slammed us both has been surprising.
There's so much I've never said on here. Like, did you know Dan has only been here one week in four for most of the time since our arrival? I've never said, because I was concerned about security. He's home now for the foreseeable future, so I can finally reveal that he just hasn't been here at all.
He's been working off in the mines, like so many other construction industry workers in Queensland. And it's great from a financial point of view, but it's been incredibly tough from a renovating-a-house-and-holding-a-family-together-point-of-view.
FIFO sucks, y'all.
In reality, the toll has extended far beyond the hardships of a lady and a toddler trying to keep the wobbly old wagon that is this property on track.
Too far beyond what I'm willing to click 'publish' on, to be honest.
And yet, here we all are. Changed, aged, chastened.
Here.
A week or so ago, it started raining again. The skies opened and we've had consistent rain since. Every photo I've taken recently has this dark, foreboding sky on it.
Except today's. The sun came out, shining over a newly-green universe.
And, here we all are.
How awesome is that sky. I always find that stormy days seem to make colours so intense. Great Photos. I agree that sometimes blogging feels a little bit like writing fiction because of all the things you dont say but even in reality there are things that you keep to yourself or your immediate family and things you share with others. I have enjoyed your post immensly though i havent always commented. You did a good job of keeping the secret. I would never have guessed he wasnt there which actually makes what you have achieved so much greater. Go Big Girl & Little Girl. She has grown alot over this year. I think of my blog as being a family record with words, thoughts & pictures that either you will read in your old age or your children will read to enhance their memories. This generation has the oppotunity to almost relive their lives whereas ours has mostly been forgotten.
ReplyDeleteHi Edwina I have not had time to visit blogs for a while due to life just being full. Not in a bad way but in a way that I can appreciate what you are saying about holding it together. I think you are doing an amazing job and I having not been able to visit this space for a while I was shocked to see how much Lucinda had grown. What a big girl she is now.
ReplyDeleteRegardless of how much you choose to share I am enjoying being on this journey with you. Glad to hear that your will have Dan home for a while I am sure you will make the most of it.
Hey Edwina,
ReplyDeleteFully appreciate what you are saying (and not saying!) in this post. We love your posts, we're happy with what you do share, and you make sure you keep being as true to yourself as you can in this crazy world and at this crazy end of the year!!! R, Emma.
Lucinda really has grown - and she looks like a girl in love with her pony!
ReplyDeleteGreat post with lovely photos. Good for you soldiering on solo, you've done well. cheers Wendy
The best thing about blogging is you get to chose which bits you want to tell. You have a great story and I'm a big believer that a great blog has to have great story behind it. Not only do you have a wonderful story, you've got a great landscape and so much ahead of you to blog. I found your blog by complete accident and I love checking in here for a squiz on how things are going.
ReplyDeleteOh, but you have to get rid of the way you're doing your comments - I just remembered why I don't comment very often (the whole login to google then type in a password capha thingy).
ReplyDeleteDon't even get me started on the damn comments! I know, it's a nightmare. Thinking of moving to Wordpress one of these days.
DeleteWhat a big year you guys have had. It's good that Dan is back for the time being...the days are long with a toddler, house-in-progress and no one to be your sanity-saver most evenings. And isn't the rain wonderful!
ReplyDeleteHow green the grass looks after the rain!
ReplyDeleteOh I feel for all these young mums who have to deal with their husbands doing FIFO. Your little girl has grown up, and the property is looking lovely. Glad to hear your grey days are over for a while - enjoy the sunshine :)
ReplyDeleteI would never have guessed Dan was at the mines as well which is as you say better for your security given you are on a property. Not sure how you handled any snakes and creatures by yourself as that to me would be too scary. I'm a single mum of a 9 and 7 year old (married to one of those lying cheating, drinking husbands) and I had to put an end to it 6 years ago so I know what it's like being on your own and I'm okay with that but being on a property ....ummm you are too brave but I also love hearing about your life and how you guys are creating a simple life in the country which as you say has ended up not so simple but you still have a goal at the end. I think that is one of the downsides to country life is the men still have to earn a decent wage to pay the mortgage and feed the family whether the wife supplements the income or not and sometimes those jobs aren't in the country or the good paying ones anyway. Your daughter has definitely grown and I love the photos with the dark sky...I've taken a few and posted them on my blog in the last week and again last night we had the same blue eerie sky as last week.
ReplyDeleteBeing away from your partner means everyday life is hard because you are not interacting and sometimes phone calls are awkward...I don't think absence makes the heart grow fonder, it just makes you cope without the other person..... glad to see that things are back to life on the property and you are a family again because at the end of the day that's what it's about and sometimes sacrifices have to be made short term to benefit the long term. Now, don't you feel sorry for any army wife coping for a year or so without hubby......OMG......I take my hat off to them being without them, imagine trying to start your family.....and timing that and of course moving house and re-establishing yourself every two years....I'd take what you had any day of the week even though I know it would have been extremely difficult. Regards Kathy A, Brisbane, Australia
Yup. Army wives have it the worst by far. Can't even imagine.
DeleteI'm so glad you've been writing a little, again. I really only open my feed reader to see if you've written.
ReplyDeleteThat's an incredibly lovely thing to say. Thank you.
DeleteAs someone who lives in the country and has a husband always working (though he's here morning and night) I wondered why you had gone quiet. I wondered if the enormousness of acreage had wore you out. Or if running out of money and looking for a way forward had eaten into the enthusiasm somewhat. Because I have visited those places too. I've even reminisced about the suburbs again, remembering how easy and accessible everything was. And yes, you don't always write these things down on a blog about moving to the country. Relationship pressures - oh yes, that too.
ReplyDeleteI had always wondered why country people didn't always share about their private lives much. It honestly takes up too much energy to think about that many challenges you need to overcome on a daily basis. So you just get on with it. :)
But I wouldn't change the ride though. There is something you experience in the country you just can't experience any where else. It's not about owning lots of land or having chickens, but learning what responsibility in adversity really means. It truly makes you appreciate when the sun gets up and sets every day - if you can find just one thing to celebrate against adversity, that one thing becomes as big as the moon!
I imagine this time was hard on Dan too. My husband has always said the hardest part about earning a living, is saying goodbye to your family at the front door. They put on a brave face because they know what needs to be done, but that doesn't mean the longing to be back home is any less.
I thought about condensing everything I just wrote, down to a few simple sentences which said, "I understand", but then maybe you wouldn't know what you're experiencing is actually normal. We don't write about it because it's hard, and it challenges everything we believed to be true about living in the country.
I, like others would never have guessed that Dan was away a lo, and I think you are wise to have not said so. I also have a husband who travels a lot. Really, to me it's not about recording everything for the whole world to see but picking bits and pieces that are important to you. From a readers point of view I love sharing your journey as it is a journey I would have loved to have taken myself.
ReplyDeleteWow, you have done so well to cope with all that you have said as well as the unsaid. There is a lot unsaid on my blog too and when it gets too enormous I just don't blog much. I think you were sensible to not share that you and Lucinda were wrangling the snakes yourselves most of the time as you never know who is reading. I very much enjoy seeing your pics of the country life and hope that things calm down and are easier now your hubby is home. Bring on that kitchen reno, at the rate our kitchen company are working I think you will be done before we are! mel x
ReplyDeleteHope you don't mind me commenting. I read your blog all the time & love catching up with how the place is going! You are very brave to be wrangling both snakes and toddlers on your own. When my daughter was little I used to feel so relieved when my husband walked in the door to take over. It takes a huge amount of energy and patience to a single parent - I can't imagine how exhausting it must be for those who do it full time! As for the snakes….I would be a mess!! I grew up in an area that was full of them and as a result of seeing many childhood pets die awful deaths I am completely terrified of them.
ReplyDeleteThe place is looking great and those photos with the stormy skies are amazing!